Until I see about $500 go up in smoke, whilst exploding about $1200 worth of fireworks. I went shopping today at my favorite fireworks store and got really spendy on their buy one get one free deal. I spent so much, in fact, I got a membership to the Premier VIP shopper club…which basically meant that I was to receive an additional $350 worth of fireworks for free.

In Florida, the laws are pretty shaky and obtaining fireworks basically amounts to filling out a form that states you need them to scare away birds. There are a variety of other excuses you can select on the form, but the whole process is very tongue-in-cheek. After visiting a party and impressing all my friends with how eager I am to throw away money on my favorite holiday, I left them with a 26 shot battery…NOT to be lit until every last person at the party is shitfaced.

Hopefully, I’ll have some good burn stories to reveal after I’ve celebrated the defeat of in-bred island and the creation of our nation.